Still

These days I dread to read the news. I feel that to some extent, I have been desensitized to a point where other people's grievance no longer affect me. Finding myself in news websites, I read the following:

"Iraq market massacre leaves 48 dead"
"Indonesia tsunami toll 231, hunt on for more"
"Attacks hit Israel, Lebanon
-Hezbollah rockets rain on northern Israel
-Loud explosions in Beirut's southern suburbs
-170 reported dead in Lebanon; 24 Israelis dead"

I try getting myself to feel sympathy and compassion for the dead and the injured, but I know its not sincere. I try anger, but it doesn't seem to do anything either. So, often, I'm just left the feelings of indifference, and still trying to find meaning in this chaotic mess we call "earth".

I ask questions like "when do I react? only when it begins to affect me?" or "where shall i stand on issues like these?" The questions keep coming, but the answers that I believe would bring consolation, or closure, still seem distant.

At times, I feel guilty to indulge myself in the better things of life, like watching movies and fellowshiping with friends. This is because behind my mind, runs continuously the consciousness that people somewhere out there are suffering, and are perishing. I ask myself how could i enjoy while others are struggling to survive.

Still, I'm left with questions. No answers. Sometimes I ask God where is He in all these. I guess even if He decided to tell me, I wouldn't be able to comprehend it. But faith perseveres. That's all I have. It's what that keeps me sane. Ignorance and apathy can only bring one so far, and I've no plans to go down that road.

Reuben Morgan from Hillsong Church Australia penned this song, "Still", which I find very comforting especially in times like this. I believe that God is calling all of us, that in times of chaos, we need to hang on to God, and learn to be still.

Still
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

Jesus, thank you.

Dad

Dad turned 60 last Thursday. That's 5 cycles in the Chinese calendar. Just found out that he will be moving back from PG in 2 weeks time. He has finally decided to take his retirement seriously. I think what is strange for him and even for us back here is that he is finally coming home.

Dad left for PG almost 13 years ago, where he initially while working there, stayed in a hotel provided by the company, then later on renting with a colleague, and finally buying a small property there. He made trips back home at least once a month, in which I believe that the travel between PG and here took alot of his time, and his life as well. Life for me was strange, because I would come home and after sometime, did not expect him to be there anymore. I think it affected mom too, as she had to learn how to be independent.

My relationship became a little deeper with dad when I went over to the states to study. Somehow, email has allowed us to reveal alot to each other boldly. We shared alot about life, about family and even about future plans.

When I came back, dad was still hundreds of miles away. His occasional trips home was often enquired by me of when it will end, that is when he will be going back to PG. It's not that I wanted him to leave, its just that I knew his trips back will always have an end.

Well, in 2 weeks time, dad will finally come home. For good. It's gonna be a big change for him, leaving the surroundings that he has gotten accustomed for the past 13 years. It will be a big change for us too, as dad will be back home for good. No more travelling bags, no more farewell dinners, and no more questions of when he's going home. Because, he's home. At last.

Dad, thanks for everything. For the sacrifices, tolerance, and understanding me when I could not understand myself. You will eternally be my hero! Welcome home.

Tragedy

179 or more people died today in a train bomb explosion at Mumbai, India, while hundreds others are left wounded or struggling to stay alive. For those who were there before it happened, I'm pretty sure that they were thinking that this is just another day. But they were wrong. It turned out to be one of the worst days of their lives. For us, today is just another day. Why? Because Mumbai is so far away, and soon, this will be old news. How many people need to die first before we come to grips with the truth, that our life is just as fragile as everybody's else? How many limbs need to get blown off before we learn how to love others as our self?

Sorry for the rant. I'm just having a lousy day, and I'm feeling really sad over those people who perished just like that. No warnings, no second chances. Just like that.

Sigh.

Yasmin

Sepet is one film that has really captured my heart. Yasmin Ahmad who directs this local production has managed to make a memorable epic depicting the realities of life here in Malaysia. I guess the reason why it captured so much of my attention is because of its frankness (in the movie's dialogues) in a country where racial discrimination goes hush hush, and often never shared from the heart between different colored people.

Yasmin made another film this year, titled "Gubra". I've not gotten a chance to watch this yet, but will probably do so soon.

Truth is, I'm actually blogging "parallel-ly" with Angeline. When I saw the title of her entry, it reminded me of the person, and not the pill.

Lame-o. I know. It's Tuesday.

Firefox slow?

I usually don't do technical blogs, but I was trying to figure out why my Firefox browser's been sluggish at work and at home, and I found a 'fix' while googling...

1. Type "about:config" into the address bar and hit enter. Scroll down and look for the following entries:
2. Alter the entries as follows:
3. Set "network.http.pipelining" to "true"
   Set "network.http.proxy.pipelining" to "true"
4. Set "network.http.pipelining.maxrequests" to some number like 30. This means it will make 30 requests at once.
5. Lastly right-click anywhere and select New-> Integer. Name it "nglayout.initialpaint.delay" and set its value to "0". This value is the amount of time the browser waits before it acts on information it receives

I've tried the fix and it seem to improve a little. Any Firefox users care to give it a try and let me know the outcome?

Viva Italia!!

For all those of you who supported France, well, a big raspberry for you.. hahaha.. Can't believe Italy won. I'm surprised. I guess the Godfather and his band of mafia can make things happen...

Anyways, to be honest, I did not support Italy from the start. In fact, I'm surprised they even got to the finals. So kudos to the inventors of pizza, pasta, the Mona Lisa, the leaning tower of Pisa, and the Ferraris! And to those who are still crying over their escargot and french loaves, don't worry, there's always another World Cup coming up... (and maybe next time u'd smart to choose the winning team!)

The World Cup has come and gone. The Italians has conquered the game, and yet today, its just another day. Ho hum... now I know why I'm never into football or soccer, or whatever...

World Cup? What's that?

After almost a month of nations gathering in Germany to kick a piece of round object that retails RM400.00 at our local sport stores, it boils down to this, who will win the 'World Cup'? To the dissapointment of many of my friends and colleagues, football has been one of the things that I can do, and live without. I've tried to get myself hyped up with the sport, but I just couldn't. Hence, it would be a waste of your time to ask me to wake up at 3:00am to watch on the telly a bunch of men in shorts running around while millions jeering them to kick the ball in some direction. Forgive me. I'm not a sports person. No F1, no NBA, no PGA, no Thomas Cup, no Wimbledon...

Even with the recent World Cup going on, I was still trying to figure out who Ronaldo was. I first found out that he was a player for Brazil, but then later on, I found out there's another Ronaldo from Portugal. I'm still confused who's who. Then, there's this guy called Ronaldinho. Why do they all have names there are so similar??!!.. sigh..I am hopelessly lost for things that are sports related. Forgive me.

Anyways, all I know now is that France will meeting up with Italy in the finals. I've not the slightest clue who the players are in French or Italian team, but ask me who I'd vote for, I'll say this: Italy. Why? Cause I prefer pasta over escargot. Again, forgive me. :P

I've been busy...

...with wedding preparations! Angeline came back for 10 days last month and we made full use of those 10 days to get our photos taken, decide on furniture, and of course, meet her parents, among many other things. For those of you who don't know, I'm getting married on the 11th of November this year. Maybe I'll blog about some events that led us to this decision at another time.

For now, here're some of the photos from our pre-wedding photo shoot-out. They're unedited, meaning you can pin point pimples, and other imperfections. But I still think they look good, considering that we're not professional models.. hahaha..

Any comments? Enjoy!

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